This just in....

No matter how much i would like to be on the Alp de Huez a little over a week from now, I cannot be. I wont be there when the riders round those historic switchbacks and crest that majestic Col. I have to rely like most of us on someone else being there and capturing that moment for us and reporting on it. Sadly, quite often a race report doesn't do the race justice. The words just don't capture the moment. Sure they tell you who won and who out sprinted who and you usually get the results with a smattering of what passes as "color commentary"these days. Usually just some guy with a British accent will do. But what they dont do is: put you on the line with the other riders in the race. They don't put you wheel to wheel ten deep in the peloton, fighting along with the group. You cant feel your legs burn and your lungs rasping with every breath. You get a watered down verison of the results is all. Where is the human touch? Where is the personal side of the race and the racers? Look how easy it is to simplify a race report;

"Today's stage was a hard climb over the alps and then a long descent into the picturesque coastal town of Blah Blah blah.... a rider from Blah, blah, blah guy was ahead then got caught and blah, blah blah to a rider from blah, blah, blah, ." The reporter accomplishes in a few words what it took the riders all day to do and a feat it took Hannibal a full year to accomplish. I would like to see him try and pedal his ass and his fancy laptop over the same mountain, then you would get some superlatives i can assure you. The Alps might have well as been one of those smoothed out bumps they place in front of Ace hardware store so you don't end up with a senior citizen holding a bag full of screws and a can of spray paint stuck in the grille of your SUV while you race through the parking lot. Rarely do you hear from the riders themselves. But when you do...well that's something special isn't it?

I came across this race report filed from the second of a three part TT series right here in Arizona. The Picacho Peak time trial. Report filed from the field by; "Jeremy" and "bobby" a man with so little pretentiousness he doesn't even feel the need to capitalize his own name.

The brutal 20k out and back time trial was the first race for either rider and they came through in flying colors in Street King style if you ask me, and not only on the road, but they put the emotion of the race on paper for all of us to enjoy.

Due to extreme heat conditions and the remote location, the riders have to set out quite early and begin hydrating and carb loading in preparation for the upcoming effort on the way down.

"4:30 am, race day."

The course and competitors must have appeared daunting but these two newcomers to the sport weren't fazed in the least.

"We were the only ones with less than $3000 between our legs. We were the only ones with less than $300 between our legs for that matter. We got many sideways looks. Jeremy rode his Trek 7200, with rack and all. "

(Notice the "pro" in the background with his number on upside down)

"I bought my first cycling jersey for the occasion. I felt a little uncomfortable, though. Most of the guys just stared at my tits. I was like, "my eyes are up here, asshole." I rode my Haro V3 mtb"

(Editors note:The yellow bike in the background is NOT the Haro V3 mountainbike)

This report skips all the BS of the race and cuts right to the meat and potatoes of the results first then backfills in the human element later. Finally A man of conviction behind the keyboard.

"We pulled a solid 18th and 19th place in the cat 5 category."

pause...

"There were 19 cat 5's. I was hoping to do the 20k in less than an hour and I finished at 44:54. 16.3 miles per hour. I'm going back on the 27th and I'm hoping to come in under 40 minutes."

"These people were nuts, man. Some of them spun for an hour before the TT and had to change clothes because they soaked through them. These people are serious. Some of the tri guys were one solid muscle...brick walls. I used the outhouse after one of them and it looked like a bear shit in there. Most of the people were cool but some were dicks"

" I asked Jeremy to take this picture as a record that I was not the fattest guy there. I wasn't going to post it but this guy was making fun of our bikes and sticking his nose in the air. "I think I've seen worse bikes...AT WALMART!" he exclaimed. Here's me mocking him for the camera."

"Disk wheels sound like toys rolling on asphalt. This sound has haunted my thoughts since the TT and is the audio memory I'll carry from this day. This, and the sound of whispers and tongue clucking as we lit up and drank some post-race beers at the car. The 70-year-old guy had 11 minutes on me. Three minutes quicker and I would have had that 13-year-old girl. There were three fixed gears there. Not hipsters, though. They looked like mail carriers or forklift operators"

I feel like i suffered right along with you my friends. Like I burned one in celebration with you and drank some post-race beers with you as well. Perhaps these two now understand what the term "Brotherhood of the bike" is all about. And perhaps now the reader does as well. I know i do. Heres to a sub 45 minute 20k my friend (toast) this one is for you...

... and one for my homies.