Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The strange

Click on the answer you think is right.

Like always, a right answer gets you something like this
a wrong one gets you this
Click on the picture for the backstory.

Lets begin shall we?
This is a picture of a nekk'n brace that uses recycled materials to form an exciting new design in fashion. The writeup also uses what other pitch as a tagline?

A) Keep your jugular protected from the elements.

B) Dont hate the nekk'n brace, hate the game. Oh shucks....dont hate anyone!

C) Like a fanny pack for your face!

D) Rest assured that none of our recycled materials were from the crotch or seat area of used pants. The following is an ad for:A) Primal mountain bike jerseys for ladies
B) Ladies pro mountain bike team "The luna chicks"
C) Camelback hydration systems
D) A Polish pornography site

This disturbing picture accompanies a pay site that includes:

A) An equally disturbing story titled: "Velomobile and Amazon muscle women"
B) Other "blue ribbon" pieces of art collected from Womens prisons all over the nation
C) Bodybuilding tips for teens
D) A modern rework of Flash Gordon with alot more chicks and bikes

This US patent for "Be the bike" includes all but one of these methods for stopping "the bike"?
A) Fanny friction
B) Thigh master sqeeze
C) Body armor and protection
D) Hidden brake lever in front "wrist gauntlets"


How did you do?
Remember the STreet king grading system?
4 correct answers = Street King level knowledge (please apply now for membership)
3 correct answers= 75% right, basically the Ultegra of test scores
2 correct answers= You need to dump the dial up and get on the interwebs
1 or no correct answers= you should be ashamed of yourself.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Daggers death race

Daggers death race is this Friday, Halloween. I put together some costumes for the SK crew. All you need to supply to ride is:
A) Black long sleeve shirt
B) Black gloves
C) A black hair wig (optional)
i have six outfits.
The three current teams (that i am aware of)
St Paul and James T
Isaac and Ishmael
SK and Jackson

Friday, October 24, 2008

CL never disapoints

A Couple of CL gems from the PHX.

I came across this CL add yesterday.

I have on sale these two bikes, separate or together, make me an offer @ 480-855-1452 or by email, cash only please, and you guys are more than welcomed to come by and check it out in person: 1. Fuji, 56cm, blue, track. 2. Cayne-Uno, 56cm, black, track. I liked the look of the second frame, clean bike nice dropouts. I wasnt familiar with the manufacturer and was about to close the link when i found this, hidden under the two oversized photos:
Please don't be afraid that I would be insulted or anything because of "low-ball" offers, I'm an easy guy. Plus, I don't need money that bad anymore, so whoever has a reasonable offer with cash in hand then the bike(s) will be yours. Thanks

I dont know what the frameset would retail for, but it turns out the owner wasnt necessarily insulted, but also not interested at my "lowball" offer of $150


First the picture,
Then the pitch:

Little boy's bicycle. hardly ridden. selling because too small.
I dont know why but the combination of "selling because too small" and the picture of this microscopic bike made me laugh. No shit too small? its friggen smurf sized.

This next poster has to be in the running for the years worst collection of bikes award.The picture doesnt say much but listen to this lineup:
18 speed Men's Magna Great Divide 10 speed women's Huffy White River mountain bike men's 15 speed Murray All Terrain Discover mountain bike

Trust me, there isnt a ball thrown low enough to insult a guy with that kind of wreckage in his garage he is trying to get rid of.
"How about seven bucks and whats left of this 32ozThirstbuster I was pulling on during the drive over here? Its Mountain dew"

Here is a poster from what i can tell is bucking for "Dad of the year"

I bought this bike for a low price of $75.oo for my son, but im letting it go for only $45.00 The only thing wrong with this bike is my 10 year old SON goof-off the first time he rode it ,he took a bad spill & he never got on it on the bike again..Go Figure!Please come over and see & ride this trick bike and take it home with you!!!!

No mention of goof-off SON, I assume he is holding onto the boy for now. Maybe wait until the economy takes an upturn then see if hes worth anything.




Thursday, October 23, 2008

Get it while its hot

Sounds like the crew might fire tonight. I regrettably am out but would love to be out there. Work is a friggen grind lately. My perusals of the normal offerings of high-end bikes i came across one of those bikes that made me pause for a moment and reflect on the infinite possibilities of bicycle construction. Here it is:I know technically its a trike, but i think it still deserves a mention. For starters its made by lynskey performance designs, a frame/bike builder thet specializes in titanium high end frames. If your next question was going to be; why would someone make a childrens bike out of titanium? I guess the answer is: Because they can. And not only that the hand welds are clean enough to leave raw and unpainted. The sharp simple design includes a "face catcher" over the front wheel for those tykes that might go over the bars when they try and run over the family cat. I wouldnt recommend just throwing your little nose-miner on this pieec of art. First you will likey need to explain the physics and painstaking artistry of welding and framebuilding, a conversation that probably isn't fit for a 5-yr old, but no better time than the present. After all, you wouldn't want your child left out of all the "vertical compliance vs. lateral stiffness" debates at the playground. Now i bet you were going to ask: How much does something like that run a guy? While i think the right answer is: IF you have to ask, its probably too much. The site lists them at $800.00 and at a limited amount available, i bet they get it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

RIde time.


That is what the Street kings are all about, that and drinking beer. Who can roll friday night?

Monday, October 20, 2008

The art of the bicyle.

I was perusing the pages of fixedgeargallery.com, a fine site filled with nothing but pictures of fixed gear rides, and was subsequently amazed at the artistic and/or lack of artistic flair some of the pictures are posted with. Some posters just throw the bike against something, shoot a few pictures and never think about whats in the background. For instance This Serrotta complete wtih a single brown shoe. Of particular note in this picture as well is that the baseboard is neon green in this house. Combined with the purple bike i am picturing the owner something like this: This shot is one i would consider "artsy" a series of photos of garbage or junk, and the owners bike right in the middle of the hubris. Kind of a breath of fresh air I suppose.
This cat gets a little cute with the shadow puppetry. This is a clear cut case of going to far, using a tub of mint ice cream as a prop?? SK .....out

Friday, October 17, 2008

What in the world...?



In search of a fitting halloween costume i came across a few things that gave me pause and caused more than a little w0nder. However before we get to that, i know each time i post my feelings about dopers in cycling some crybaby posts that he is done reading my crap, yadda, yadda, i dont know what its like to be a pro cyclist, yadda yadda, whatever. In truth i dont know what its like to be a pro cyclist. I have no friggen idea, the guys that annouce the races i watch on TV seem to know a bit about it however and each time one of them says something like; "This ride is incredible." or "he's superhuman!" or "I cant believe it!" they are usually right. The King of the mountains in this years Tour was so incredible, well lets just say you cant believe it.
Bernard Kohl of Austria, third-place finisher and winner of the best climber’s competition in this year’s Tour de France, has admitted he used performance-enhancing drugs to prepare for cycling’s premier event.

That makes four suspensions for blood doping in a single race. It all seems so foolish from the sidelines. Such a gamble.
Speaking of gambles;
Which of these three jerseys, do you think is actually being made by Primal clothing in preperation for the upcoming holidays?
A) Star wars storm trooper?
B) Heath Ledger as the Joker?
C) Bart Simpson?
D) Sarah Palin as "hockey mom"


Some of the other selections are: (no i am not making this up)

The Urban fisherman and Long sleeve Hunter (see below)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Street Kings Assemble.

Event starts at 9. Roll from the shop at 6, eat and have a few drinks, meet the ladies at the event about 8:15, make the throwdown, uptown if you know what i mean. It is a charity event, maybe we will find a king on the course, Who knows. If you are in, shout out.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008




Tour De Fat
What a day! So much to see, so many different bike people and bikes, and so much beer. I manned the AZfixed tent along the non-profit row and must have seen 200 people through the tent. Most were checking out the stack of bikes we accumulated outside the space but some came to support the cause and buy an AZfixed t-shirt. I did a brisk business that morning and combined with the online sales, I am probably somewhere near the breakeven point. The booth also handed out a lot of flyers for upcoming alleycats and events including the KORE fixed gear crit on the 18th and the event not to be missed in 08’; The dagger death race on Halloween night. Some details on the death race were given out as of late and include the fact it is a two man team race. That information also came with the warning: “You don’t need to be the fastest on a bike to win this race” what that means exactly I am not sure. The Street Kings should have at least 2 teams represented depending on how the night shakes out. St Paul and James T have committed. I am in but the fourth spot is still in the wind. Jackson has offered that he was interested in the next alleycat race, but this circus might not be his cup of tea. Frank the Tank would be a great addition but his evening race status is in question.
Current members with status of unknown for Death race:
XXI
Jackson
F the T
Bucket
Tour de fat pics:

Monday, October 13, 2008

Full compliment of Kings


What a night. 15 riders on the ride Last Thursday for Last Chances b-day. Including XXI on a borrowed fixed gear riding like a champ across Lafayette. Jackson tearing up the street on his completed Colnago made my soul smile a Little bit. He made some big moves once we got close to his neighborhood like a Frenchman on Bastille day. Bucket makes a surprise showing along with a full compliment of invited guests. A couple of bars and restaurants later i was too drunk to ride/drive home. The after dinner party ended up at the German Haus on Indian School for boots of beer. Like any bicycle related event, there was a break in the group and the lead group (of drinkers in this case) put down more boots than a line dance at a cowboy bar. James T didn,t make the early break but was able to bridge. He must have been spent from the effort as he went off the back quickly and soon became just another drunk trying to play pool. At a German bar that serves gallons of beer in over sized shoes, you are just another body in the peloton at that point. Surprisingly Frank the Tank pulled strong all night, he sat in third wheel sucking his boot while playing three of the ugliest games of pool the table had ever seen. Last Chance was off the front and still drilling his Amberbock filled boot when i bridged up and started the heavy work on a pair of pale ale filled Laredos. St. Paul played the night out in a very "reasonable" manner and marked most moves from a series of tall chilled glasses. He never got into the heavy equipment but was still a constant threat. For a drinker with the body weight that Ish, its hard to answer the big attacks in a short distance race like this one. He soon became disoriented and being unfamiliar with the course soon was holding onto the back of the lead group like Linus and his blanket. I also feel that Ish owes the pool table and anyone that bet money on his billard ball playing abilities an apology. However that can be voted on during meeting minutes at the next gathering. Members absent and missed: Agent Orange, Isaac. There are not words enough to describe the feeling of freedom i feel riding like that. Cool air, a clean good looking bike underneath me, and good friends to share it all with. Please disregard my previous posts doubting my continuing cycling. SK....IN.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Bicycling movies


I have been hosting movie night at the house for the last few months. Most recently the movie "Quicksilver" starring Kevin Bacon was screened and disected by those in attendence. The movie was so much more fun to share with fellow cyclists then i had remembered back in 1985. I was one of the few that had actually seen the movie in the theater. The magic that made the movie an "action"film in 1985 had been laid bare by my current knowledge and perceptions of cycling. The stunt bike changes became very apparent, and the realization that the track bike he is riding is actually a single speed with a coaster brake knocked Kevin Bacon down a few notches in my book. The movie definetly had its flaws,Including an obese Louie Anderson as a bike messenger and Larry (pre-Lawrence) Fishburne as the intimidating not-so-street smart bike messenger. If movies and popular culture are how a generation is defined i would still take this 80's movie over any of todays. Since there are no cycling movies of late, I can only compare the major studios current offerings. A quick search of new releases was quite disturbing to say the least. Beverly hills Chihuahua opens this weekend and as best i can tell is a government sponsored selection film. If you are not familiar with a government sponsored selection film, it is the equivilent of the law of the jungle, secret government agents stake out the theater and anyone that sits through the entire film that is either above the age of 8 or male, is systematticly eliminated through staged car accidents and domestic mishaps. If you dont beleive me, ask around and see if anyone still alive saw the movie Gigli and lived to tell about it.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

My posse is on broadway...

...and University, and Ash, and Mill, and wherever else we feel like riding. A shout out to Last Chance for his Birthday today. Tonights ride is in his honor. I was surfing the intraweb last night for biking terms including "Street Kings" while Google doesnt find us anywhere near the first ten entries in their world. The fourteenth entry is an interesting one. This Street King website is of a similar to ours in the sense is is meant for social interaction. The similarites stop there i am afraid.
Under the ABOUT tab:

This website has been created for all those boy/girl racers out there who wish to share their experiences and show of their rides.

(note: i could find no pictures posted as of yet)

The PURPOSE tab:
The main aim and goal of the StreetKings Team is to create an online community of people who can share and communicate with others that passionate.

This is usually where i light someone up for lack of proper sentence structure, then i found the COUNTRIES tab:
The StreetKings Team is currently based out in Pietermaritzburg of the Kwa-Zulu Natal (KZN) area of South Africa (RSA).

What? What? Well that explains alot. I would like to tell you that the organization started here in Scottsdale has gone world wide, but i am afraid its just another hanger-on trying to bite our rhyme. I wish them the best of luck and believe if they wait long enough, they will indeed find a boy/girl racer out there wishing to share their ride.

See you kids on the street




Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Its not everyday you get a glimpse at your own mortality. However this has been the case for me on the last two major events of any real distance I have attempted to cover on a bicycle. I found myself at the top of the climb on Shea boulevard, with cramped legs, lacking any usable lungs, and no heart. It was a sad and dejected place to be. Kind of like when the drug user wakes up in a dumpster and has what alcoholics call “a moment of clarity” and realizes he needs to make changes in his life. Admittedly I have not found enough time to properly train for either event. I am as heavy as I have ever been on the bike, and my legs have gone on strike like a shop full of union autoworkers in Detroit every time I attempt a distance further then 25 miles. The next real efforts I have to look forward to on the bike are; Tucson in late November, and Valley of the Sun in February. 7 weeks to Tucson is enough time to make a better showing then I did in Scottsdale that is for sure. As I was finishing with the misfits of cycling, i.e. the recumbants, comfort, and hybrid bikes, I have no where to go but up. If I keep digging I could find myself finishing with the morbidly obese woman on a trike and the 9 year old on a BMX frame with tinfoil wrapped around the spokes. The day that occurs, I can assure you there will be a fire sale at my house the next day. However the pickings might be slim. As of today I no longer own a roadbike nor mountain bike shoes (they were left in Wisconsin after my last meltdown)


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Just up.

AZfixed t-shirts are online now. Expected delivery is Friday 10/10

Ride time


The weather couldnt be better, lets get some bikes on the street. This Thursday (also the birthdate of member Last Chance) Expect frivolity and imbibing t0 be both rampant and unchecked. We will be marking territory and taking names. Shout out if you are in.

Monday, October 6, 2008

News from the front.


The Tour De Scottsdale was today and the streetkings fared well. 2 members in the top 10 and two others in the top 20! I wish i could tell you i fared well, but that wasnt the case. My lack of fitness combined with added weight left me feeling like abandoning. I finished the race but nothing respectable i can tell you that. I live to fight another day. Speaking of that; the Street Kings have a busy October ahead,Tour De Fat on the 11th, the KORE benefit crit on the 18th, and the Dagger Death race on Halloween. The team is in top shape and nearly everyone has working and proper equipment. I am looking for big things out of the crew this month. The shirts are still at the printer for AZFixed but should be done this week. I am stoked to see how they come out.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Lets see how many of you have been keeping up with the local bike market via Craigslist shall we? Here is a little quiz to see just who has their proverbial thumb on the pulse of the PHX.

Get the answer right, you get a little shot of this

Get the answer wrong however...you get to stare into the haunted eyes and soul of Americas ex-poster boy of cycling. (note the muscled-up guy in the back ground about to hit him in the neck with a tazer)

Once you have made your selection, right or wrong, click on the image for the back story.

Lets get to it.
_______________________________________________________
Question #1:

This advertisement for a THULE brand 4 bike carrier also includes:
A) Any one of the bikes pictured in background
B) The dog (also named Thule oddly enough) pictured in the foreground
C) The house
D) The car it has been permanently attached to with rust.
___________________________________________________________
Question #2
This 5 year old Novara Ponderosa mountain bike is for sale ($350)or trade. What items is the owner interested in trading for?

A) Kalashnikov assault rifle
B) Play station 3
C) Quality Tattoo work (not some at home scratcher)
D) all of the above
___________________________________________________________
Question #3
This poster is attempting to trade this "Dope ass snowboard" for a fixed gear or what other item of interest?
A) Dope ass stereo
B) Dope ass wakeboard
C) Dope ass 5' 8" girl that rides road bikes
D) Dope...ass
___________________________________________________________
Question #4

The oddest part of the post on this little step over was:

A) The owner encourages the owner to 'peddle' down the street
B) The owner reported riding the bike although there are two flats
C) Brand=Awesome bike, Model=Totally fun!
D) Only ridden twice, once to the store, once to the neighbors house.


How did you score?
4 correct answers = 100%
you should run out and buy at least one of the mountains of 50$ mountain bikes for sale in Phoenix to celebrate
3 correct answers = 75%
Basically the Ultegra of test scores
2 correct answers= 50%
This is the equvilency of winning the Tour de France and instead of endorsement deals with NIKE and Trek, instead you get a Slurpee cup with your picture on it.
1 correct answer =25%
You should be ashamed of yourself. May the bug-eyed stare of Greg Lemond haunt your dreams forever.
0 correct answers= 0%
You disgust me. You should run out and buy two of the 50$ mountain bikes for sale in Phoenix as punishment.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

FIght the power.

Way back in the eighties before he was a reality TV star, Flava Flav was the outspoken front man for the rap group Public Enemy. One of their breakout songs was...you guessed it; "Fight the power" The song spoke not only openly of overcoming racism and oppression, but also on a subconscious level to the youth of the day and embraced that universal feeling of angst and ostracizing felt by all teenagers (myself included). The song came out at a time when you had a hit song you made a music video, not like today's standards of making a music video with girls and guns and money and cars and then try and work some music around it. Fight the power still speaks to me. During my normal weekend roadie ride that is credited with the birth of the STreetKings, the cooldown often calls for a stop at a convenience market for water before heading home. This weekend, the aforementioned store, i wont do them the favor of mentioning the store by name but it rhymes with Circle Ghey, had cones set up outside the entire front of the building with yellow caution tape and signs attached. Someone yelled as we neared the store en masse' "look out for wet paint." thinking the cones were marking a newly painted curb. This was not the case. The attached poorly written signs said: No bikes allowed! The level of anger in my face was unmistakable. Were the bikes somehow impeding the flow of morbidly obese people tracking their way towards the "Two for a dollar" hotdog section? Was our money somehow less potent? How the hell do you make a social distinction about a group of people based on their transportation choice? Then it struck me; you trade the ability to purchse anything at a reasonable price for the conveinience of a convenience market but that isnt where they make their money. You can sell all the goo covered stale corn chips you want and call them nachos, you still aint paying the rent unless the guy buying the shit is driving a car that requires...you guessed it: Gasoline. The golden calf. Bikes=no need for gas=no money=subprime customers. I parked my bike in front of the gas pump to ensure maximum blockage and then rode it down the sidewalk when leaving in a small but necessary act of defiance. We gotta stick together brothers. We gotta fight the power. Now i just have to figure out how to get ahold of Public enemy front man Flava Flav and figure out what the nex step is.PS, anyone else feeling like hitting up First Friday this Friday? SK in